ever fall in love with someone you shouldn't fall in love with?


well, happy birthday (week) to jessica, a multimedia extravaganza featuring 45's, electric razors, and double cheeseburgers. meat-lovers nationwide will be happy to know that she will be halting her experiments in vegetarianism to indulge this evening at burger king and again tomorrow morning for some sausage balls. probably sumthin sunday too.

26. glad you're alive.


more music/love:

michael jackson - off the wall
pink floyd - ummagumma (live record)
broken social scene - you forgot it in people

all of which are american dreams.


becoming increasingly tempted by the iTunes music store and their handy $.99 per song price tag, i longed for an alternative... and an alternative i did find: 45's at phonoluxe for $.25 a pop. and that's for two songs!

jess acquired a nice vinyl by chairmen of the board... they had that song "give me just a little more time," which jessica listened to incessantly as a child, the original 45 of course (which, shockingly, the group still sells)... not supa-hot but pretty delicious...

if you reside in nashvegas, it is your duty as an american to come boogie down with sharon jones and the dap-kings february 3 at exit-in... i'm not talkin' "gee they're pretty funky i guess" i'm talkin' 1969 james brown funky, the real deal baby... (a grammatical nightmare)


i never ever want to hear again about bush's pure motives in iraq, america or elsewhere... we all want to believe the best about our leaders, but a quick look at the numbers for this week's festivities proves otherwise...

$40 million: Cost of Bush inaugural ball festivities, not counting security costs.

$2,000: Amount FDR spent on the inaugural in 1945 ... about $20,000 in today's dollars.

$20,000: Cost of yellow roses purchased for inaugural festivities by D.C.'s Ritz Carlton.

200: Number of Humvees outfitted with top-of-the-line armor for troops in Iraq that could have been purchased with the amount of money blown on the inauguration.

$1: Amount per guest President Carter spent on snacks for guests at his inaugural parties. To stick to a tight budget, he served pretzels, peanuts, crackers and cheese and had cash bars.

22 million: Number of children in regions devastated by the tsunami who could have received vaccinations and preventive health care with the amount of money spent on the inauguration.

1,160,000: Number of girls who could be sent to school for a year in Afghanistan with the amount of money lavished on the inauguration.

2,500: Number of U.S. troops used to stand guard as President Bush takes his oath of office.

26,000: Number of Kevlar vests for U.S. soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan that could be purchased for $40 million.

$290: Bonus that could go to each American soldier serving in Iraq, if inauguration funds were used for that purpose.

$17 million: Amount of money the White House is forcing the cash-strapped city of Washington, D.C., to pony up for inauguration security.

shame on you, you heartless showboat.

i’m only beginning to realize the extent to which our illusion of separateness is the core of most human conflict. i only harm others when i believe that i am an island unto myself and that my actions affect only me. this is especially acute when family members are involved, since our attachment to them is much deeper. my actions sometimes send gigantic mental and emotional waves that crash into the lives and attitudes of people i barely know; imagine how the people i’ve lived every day of my life with feel!

i believe the gandhian method of family conflict resolution would go something like this: express what both of you need, maybe in list form. be honest and rid your list of all selfish motives. when you have a clear understanding of what you both what, do not “meet them halfway;” this always fosters resentment. instead, imagine a solution that rises above what you both want, something that solves both your interpersonal conflict and your need for selfish “want-lists.” i believe this is the key to lasting conflict resolution.


i know there's been much ado about this article recently, but i thought i'd post it here for those of you who haven't read it yet:

the coming wars: what the pentagon can now do in secret

alternet's interview with author seymour hersh

this information is crucial in understanding how the pentagon acts these days... when orders come from the top and go straight to the pentagon, they don't have to deal with pesky cia regulations, senate approval, or anyone's approval for that matter. it also reinforces the reality of u.s. state-sponsored (and -orchestrated) terrorism that was common during the reagan years and obviously prevails to this day.

they're smug enough about their public actions; i can only imagine what they're doing in secret.

just for the record, and if ANYONE else reads this and has not subjected themselves to the advice that steven gave a few days ago, being in love with that britney spears track is like being in love with nsync when they first came out. and i don't think it's even that good. i know i could put this in the comments, but i have power create a whole post. so i am getting back to exercising this right. so i say it, BE CAREFUL if you haven't heard that song and you go to check it out. that's all.

i cannot wait for the day that i happily accept that i have a furry alarm clock. my cat knows that i really should be getting up a tad bit earlier than i have been. he knows that i rush around the house in a frenzy in the morning for the last 10 minutes before i shoot out the door. he knows that i am pretty good at being a couple minutes late to work and have no excuse for it. for crying out loud, this cat usually doesn't purr except for when he comes to help get me out of bed in the morning. and even then, you've got to be pretty quiet and focused on him. sometimes i think he is just being a brat, but more times than not, i really think he is just trying to help out.

this here is a thought that probably needs more thought put into it, but i think maybe our country moved out of the house a little too soon. meaning, canada got rid of its british rule way after we did (i read that they were not "completely" free until 1982). canada did have to abolish slavery due to britains request in the early 1800s. we instead had a big old nasty war that still makes life messy for people today. were we like those kids in the lord of the flies? only we chose to be on an island to suddenly govern ourselves before we had time to grow up at all? like most of my thoughts, i probably need to develop this one a lot more. but the first paragraph, that is developed enough. no more time is needed on something like that. heh.


XTC tunes that i believe are swell:

chain of command
knuckle down
mermaid smiled
the world is full of angry young men
scissor man (live on bbc)
tissue tigers
outside world
seagulls screaming kiss her, kiss her

that's all.


it's a drag that people won't come out for marches like they did today on a regular basis. it's near impossible to get people to march for living wage, racial equality, nonviolence, or anything else king fought for; but they all march to commemorate his life, even though this accomplishes nothing. yup, it's a drag.

not to understate today's importance. my resolve is strengthened and my head clear. we must continue to focus like lasers on injustice, unflinchingly and without embarassment. the fight for civil rights is not over; we have miles to travel for afro-americans, and even more for homosexuals. we must not sit confined to society's role for our stereotype; we have no chains, only the illusion of chains.

and most of all, remember that only love can conquer hate. but you knew that.


i'm in love with a britney spears tune. yeah that's right. it's no big irony in indierock-land; it's a hot track. toxic, that is. try it out.

i'm also currently ga-ga for: deerhoof, we ragazzi, low (the band and the david bowie record), the first dj shadow record (I know, eight years behind on that one), the first silver jews, the newest phoenix album, spiderland on vinyl, rilo kiley's video for "it's a hit" (the song too, of course), and any and every sonic youth idea or honorable mention.

and our new tom & jerry dvd. more later.


migraines are no fun at all... big ouchies... cracker barrel, however, is a big fat bucket o' fun.

i think the very worst fights you can have are the ones where you're both trying so hard to give the other everything they want, but you're both just failing miserably and screaming and not accomplishing much in the way of happiness at all. those are definitely no fun.

but forgiveness is nice.


perhaps we should take time to reflect on the nature of blogs. these are essentially altars to our own mistaken sense of separateness and individuality, are they not? we seem to say, "here i am, here are my thoughts, this is what makes me 'me' and you 'someone else.'" are we still at the point where we believe that the thoughts in our head have never been thought before?

obviously, some blogs are useful as alternative sources of information, such as the considerable amount of Iraqi blogging going on right now. but here in the states, it's mostly akin to the clothes you wear or the music you own: another building block in your wall of personality. most walls are merely slight variations on the typical american culture theme; i know mine is.

don't get me wrong, this wall is necessary; you must build it to tear it down.

so why do i have a blog? well, the fact that i had it before this realization is no excuse. my current hope is for mahatmama to serve as an direct line to my brain for those who don't see me often, and to present perspectives that, although they've been held in millions of minds before mine, might shake your reality a tad. or maybe your reality needs no shaking (although that's extremely doubtful). to quote brad warner:

"Whatever you do, I beg you not to ever believe in what I say. Take every single thing with a grain -- no, make that a shaker full -- of salt. See if it makes sense. If it does not, maybe you should throw it away immediately. Or maybe not. And if what I say does make sense to you, question that even more deeply."

I truly hope you enjoy our little altar. just keep in mind: it is an altar unto you, too.

enter the time of year where most nashvillains whine about the cold (though it is indeed unseasonably cold here)...

i find it helpful to meditate on the nature of what i call "the necessity of opposites." i.e. there is no night except in relation to day, there is no pleasure except in relation to pain, no heaven without hell, no bitter cold without glorious warmth... it helps me realize the unity of all seasons (in nature and self), the fantastic rollercoaster: up, down, left, right, and connected.

the animals need their rest so that we might enjoy their presence in the summer, along with the trees and blooming flowers. winter often traps us indoors, forcing us to spend much-needed time with loved ones and pets; also to meditate on the necessity (or lack thereof) of our possessions. time to set forth our prayers and hopes for the relentless creative energy of spring.

also, it's fun to press your cold nose against some unsuspecting warm cheek.


i recall looking at other people's writings (in much more impressionable days), reading what they said, and nodding my head, agreeing with it as i read it. ridiculous! who are "you" but a series of agreements, and how can you agree with something right there while you're reading it for the first time? does it "feel good" or "sound right"? I know we all do it, but at least take a little time for independent analysis, no matter how good or bad it sounds.

don't you dare read what i'm typing right now and think you agree or disagree with it. kinda tough, huh? we're pretty used to immediate, unsaid agreements and disagreements, conclusions and gut feelings. don't listen to any authority under (or over) the sun if you disagree. every word ever spoken should "make you think." otherwise we might be robots after all.

anyway, i've been trying to penetrate the true nature of my books and records. i think all art is basically cheap material that has encoded in it vital information about human beings and their culture (religion, food, economic system, relationships). i think i always understood this, but i also believed that it would make me whole or wiser in some way (which, for the record, has never happened to my knowledge, no matter how good the art is). i guess the book that can be read is not the eternal book, nor the music that can be heard the eternal music. delicious food for the mind and soul, no doubt; but not the eternal food.


found white light/white heat on vinyl yesterday, sweeeet... ready to rumble on art film/documentary/testimonial concerning youth violence if ya know what i mean... zazen kicks irish spring's tush for a zippy morning overflowing with reality and emptiness, everpresent energy...

for those of you paralyzed by decisions concerning what you should do with your life... i think you should just do. anything. just don't hurt nobody (unless, of course, they ask you...) and please ignore those parentheses if you are an un-xtc luva...

reality is a dill pickle indeed. and blasphemy loves company.


well, happy birthday to me (yesterday)... i bought lotsa vinyl, some real classix - slint spiderland, dj shadow endtroducing, smog knock knock, echo & the bunnymen crocodiles, silver jews starlite walker, hot hot heat knock knock knock ep... barely missed a nice beefheart vinyl, but i'm getting ahold of a fall record i hope...


The aforementioned ranting will now be available at my Toxic Metropolis blog (they're too big for here)... written during a storm now calmed, please be forgiving, binge & purge...